Twins Persecute Sox Fans With an Infinity of Torture, Destroying Their Minds Entirely

Evil Empire of the North 7, Sox 6

The New Jaime Navarro is Found
David Aardsma looked like the second coming of Turk Lown until the Cubs Series, now he looks like the second coming of Jaime Navarro (Ouch! Sorry about that one). Aardsma has actually walked in the winning run against the Twins to cement a sweep of the Sox IN MINNESOTA!!!!!

“What can Aardsma do to atone for this thunderous act of betrayal?” you ask. Unfortunately, I don’t have that answer. This is awful.

Ozzie Agonistes
After the game, Ozzie was even more disturbed that he was before the game, offering himself as human sacrifice to the fierce, blood-thirsty and hungering gods of horsehide. He hinted that there would be changes, trades perhaps.

Ozzie, remove yourself from the pyre, please! If there is to be a human sacrifice of a White Sox, may I nominate David Aardsma? (I knew there must be a reason the Chicago Contaminated Cubs wanted to get rid of him!)

Bad Day in Blacksox Rock
It was also not lost on the Soutside Faithful that the Twins moved ahead of the Sox in the Central Standings. Current rankings: 1. Cleveland 2. Detroit 3. Minnesota 4. White Sox 5. Kansas City. O Infamy! David Aardsma, could you throw a strike? This year?

Tonight’s Fond Thought
Tonight, Mark Buehrle (who practically has to throw a no-hitter to get a “W”) faces Roy Halliday and the Toronto Blue Jays. Blue Jays are large, nasty birds and their ilk includes the fallen giant of Sox-dom, Frank Thomas. Mark, please introduce Frank’s bottom to the dirt of the batter’s box. Make him sit with some chin-music, please.

A Plea to the Wheaties Box Sox Man
Mark Buehrle, please restore some order to the house of the Sox. You were here before the Golden Year. You have the capability and the understanding to right the wrongs of the previous evening. Caulk the holes and then have a serious discussion with Aardsma about what it is to be a White Sox pitcher, what the strike zone is for, what the meaning of the Wheaties box is. Restore the order before the disorder restores the old order.